Skinny Jeans And Divine Providence

When someone presses the clothing button, and implies that I might not possess the vestigial WASP knowledge that is my birthright, such as how to dress appropriately for a formal occasion, I lose my mind.

Gag Me With Asparagus

Confident in their knowledge that you can’t go wrong with a blow job when it comes to the best places to eat in the world, the Newsweek Magazine Creative Team signed off on the first press proof, and creative history was made.

Life Within The Fraternal Order Of The Penis

If there was an extra dame around the place, I could experience what it must be like to belong to The Fraternal Order of the Penis. In other words, I could occasionally inhabit the place that I call Dude Land.

Dawn Of The Closet Potheads

As a graphic designer, my cohorts and I would be subjected to random whizz quizzes in a company-wide initiative to prevent life threatening design accidents.

How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?

I never go without a bra and eyeliner because for all I know, a clown car could arrive at any moment and start disgorging its contents in the driveway.

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